I must say that the major complaints about this movie are almost exactly shared by it’s predecessor to which we were promised would be completely forgotten as if it was wiped off the map and never happened. Overall The Wolverine isn’t a bad movie. If you are someone who knows only about the character to what you have seen in the X-Men films and Wolverine:Origins then you will be smitten with love for this movie almost instantly. I, however, am a true blue Wolverine fan who has spent countless hours and dollars learning and reading about this character. He is by far one of “my” characters.

The basis of this film and overview of the story is about Logan’s travels to Japan and losely, very losely, based on the 1982 four part comic series Wolverine written by Chris Claremont and art by Frank Miller. The comics detail his engagement to Mariko Yashida, run in with The Silver Samurai, and single handedly killing about a thousand ninjas because he’s “the best at what I do but what I do isn’t very nice”. This is a classic four part series that absolutely embodies everything that Wolverine is and gives us a look at more than just a guy who hung out with the X-Men.

Now, I can get far past the timeline mixups, the bad character presentation, and even the fact that the Black Hand is called the Black Clan. But here is a short list of things that I cannot and will not get past that absolutely ruined this movie for me.

1) Wolverine spends a very short period of time in this movie being a badass. He gets the shit kicked out of him more in the two hours I watched this film than all of the previous movies he’s spent time in. What the hell? Seriously they took the balls off this character to appease the masses or show his humanity? There are much better ways to accomplish that task. In fact, the whole situation with Jean and Mariko do a great job to accomplish this if we even needed to, because we don’t after three movies of his gruff exterior and compassionate insides. STOP TRYING TO RE-EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO US.

2) Adamantium CANNOT cut through Adamantium, NOR can it be heated in such a state to where it could become some heat fusion reaction holding bullshit. To quote the wiki, which cites the Guide to the Marvel Universe, “It is almost impossible to destroy or fracture in this state and when crafted to a razor edge, it can penetrate most lesser materials with minimal application of strength.”. To more than further this point, Wolverine has two major enemies who also contain Adamantium parts: Cyber and Lady Deathstrike. Cyber has adamantium skin for fuck sake so if this held true then whenever Wolverine slashed him the fight would have ended with Cyber’s entrails all over the fucking floor. Adamantium CAN resist the thermal impact and hold heat for a small amount of time before it loses the properties. Even if you were to build in a heating coil the chances that it would piece the core of the sword are almost negligible so what the fuck writers?

3) The motherfucking Silver Samurai was not a giant robot life saving iron man magic machine. It was a suit of armor created out of normal current gen polymaterial alloys. Even looking past that they killed off the character that actually IS the Silver Samurai they completely skipped over the fact that he was a mutant with the ability to generate a tachyon field, with which he can surround anything EXCEPT FOR FUCKING ADAMANTIUM. Here’s the fucking proof. 

4) How the hell do you expect me to believe that by drilling into the bone marrow of Wolverine you can steal his mutant healing factor when we have been told over the course of four movies that this is a genetic trait that is due to a mutation of your DNA. Appaently we can’t cure cancer but by damnit DNA transfer is completed via bone marrow transplants. I’m gonna let Jesse Pinkman cover this one for me. 

5) Last but definitely not least, how is Wolverine completely okay with the whole bone claws thing? When this happened in the mid-90s it was because Magneto literally ripped the adamantium from Logan’s body by breaking the metallic particles apart and pulling it through his pores which not only almost killed him, but caused him to devolve into a crazed, semi-feral state. But apparently in this movie, he’s all “It’s cool bro lemme pick up this bad ass sword instead BALLER BALLER BALLER BALLER.” Uhhh, nope.jpg. Even going beyond this point it makes me question how all of a sudden he just gained some retard strength to rip open the adamantium suit that the Silver Samurai is made of because spending billions of dollars on R&D and adamantium no one thought to make the screws/nuts/bolts/latches out of the same material because CLEARLY the extra $3.50 would have broke the bank of the biggest company in Japan.

All in all, if you know nothing about this character beyond the fact of what you’ve seen in the movies you’re going to love it. I’m sure the movie will end up turning a huge profit because critics absolutely loved it. It’s a superhero movie that isn’t trying to hard to be about a superhero. But it’s also a movie that tries really hard to stay on track with a basic story and then derails in the last 20 minutes on a destructive course of hell that mashes so much comic book lore together that it effectively shuns away it’s fanbase. Hope my five bucks was worth it.

TL;DR: Fuck you, I spent time writing this. GO READ IT.